25 things i learned by 25

millenial tendancies rotting my brain :-)

today is my 25th birthday! wow i am not joking when i say i do not know how i got here. i didn’t think i would live past 14, or 21. but i am here, and i’m grateful.

adjacent to that, because i never thought i would live this long, i have no idea what i want or how to move. but! that’s okay! that’s what life is all about!

in reflecting on this quarter life crisis, i remembered the era of my life where buzzfeed painted everything, where my friends and i spent our early high school years obsessing over niche quizzes and op-eds on the silliest of topics. it was something (among a few roundabout inklings) that made me realize my love of media and printed words. it was accessible, and it quickly became a dream to work at buzzfeed at one point in my life.

that dream died out, but the memories of their content have not, like that of the “30 things i learned before turning 31” think pieces filled with the most true-to-its-era gifs to accompany each lesson.

with that, i give you 25 things i have learned as i walk into 25:

1. it’s okay to say no

   1. this one is loaded, and i placed it fist because the application of this has shifted throughout cycles. say no to disrespect, to judgment, when you are unsafe, when your power is questioned. say no when you’re at capacity, or even when you’re worried about hurting someone’s feelings. say no when yes is not your immediate response. say no when you want to say no. you are allowed to say no.

2. everything is not what it seems (hey selenerrrrr)

   1. i can’t read minds, and most others can’t either. i have only ever found the truth of what an experience or relationship truly is once i dove into vulnerability and set boundaries to go after it. this also is true of the awakenings i have witnessed in terms of history, social constructs, political means, etc. many a rude awakening for this kid.

3. i! am! beautiful!

4. you never lose if you turn every “L” into a lesson learned

5. we live in a world amongst other people and habitants for a reason — we are not supposed to do any of this alone

   1. i have had a tendency to retreat inward and hold everything by myself, not saying the full truth, too scared to ask for help. it’s lonely living life that way, we don’t grow when we don’t let light in. community is vital.

6. blood relation does not mean anyone is instantly owed love or respect

   1. we are breaking many a generational cycles in this life. sharing a bloodline means nothing when you are not treated with genuine love, care, and respect. these relationships are reciprocal and not transactional so the bottom line needs to be safety and love. if you are expected to give that to them, then you are allowed to expect it in return, regardless of age or gender or whatever the circumstance(s) may be.

7. everything in this life is karmic

   1. what you water is what you grow/what you give is what you get/what you speak is what you receive.

8. forgiveness is tangible

   1. and does not mean that you are forgiving for the other person’s comfort. forgiveness is for peace within yourself, to move forward in what you need in your healing. you are supposed to forgive yourself, too.

9. there is no one correct way to love

10. i am allowed to own my identity and reclaim every part of myself

    1. i’m the only one living in my mind/body/spirit so i do not owe anyone an explanation nor do i need to make room to assure anyone else is “comfortable” with who i am. i live in who i am created to be and that’s that. i take my power back after every way it was robbed. it is not my fault that i have been harmed, but i own the responsibility i need to take in order to heal from it.

11. living on purpose is walking in purpose // your intentions are the foundation for everything

12. taste buds change over the years

    1. we get tired of the same things, and i also have seen myself fall out of love/like with certain tastes and hopes. some things, and people, just aren’t fit for where we are growing to.

13. flying is not scary

    1. i mean this literally and figuratively. we are still working on our fear of heights, but we have taken mechanical winds across the sky and we have learned to take flight via taken chances wherever we grow.

14. my voice holds weight

15. grief is bounty

16. f%!k capitalism, foreal

17. gender is a social construct (and everyone is a little gay)

    1. ok this one is supposed to be silly!!! but on the real, i found so much liberation within myself when i stepped into my nonbinary identity, knowing that no matter how i presented or who i loved, i could be comfortable in the modality of the energies i hold. and yes, i know that not everyone is actually a little gay, but sexuality is a spectrum we all exist on somehow in our own ways, true to ourselves, exactly as we are made :)

18. it’s not always yours to hold

    1. we can love someone and still know when to let go. their personal trials are not our lessons to work through, so you can love them from a distance and support them without holding the weight of their cycles.

19. sometimes bad things just happen

    1. no higher purpose, no mastering a lesson to teach others how to go through it. bad things happen, and they can happen out of a bad place, like the molded fruit of a rotted tree. sometimes we just have to accept what has happened and learn to move forward and heal as we need to.

20. when your counselor asks what you need, she will remind you that God placed needs so that they can be fulfilled

21. you’re actually like…super talented idk

22. it’s easy for us to want the things we can’t/don’t have

    1. and that doesn’t mean it is for us to have.

23. you’re not stubborn or irrational, you just have strong ethics

24. lonely is room for wells to be made

25. i have become (and will continue to be) everything i have ever needed in this life

i hope 25 is kinder. i hope i get more time being held by the sun and to see my art hold hands with new mediums and share time with other eyes. i hope to see my communities find new avenues of healing. to have lived the lives i have leading up to this point has been a whirlwind, and still i would not change a thing. i have found myself here, and i really love who i have become. i’m leaning onto saturn in hopes of finding the constellations created as gifts for the grit and persistence i have lent until now, and as i continue to do so. i give gratitude to the Most High for all of the unpromised days and new beginnings and chances to keep trying, each pleasant surprise and every ounce of grace and hope my being has been filled with. i give my love to my ancestors for their guidance and how they hold my hand, to my mommy for how she raised me, to my family and friends for learning how to love me. there is momentum here, and i am constantly tending to her.

cheers to 25 years of living on purpose. may i be gifted with many, many more.